Technology

I had sinus surgery on Friday, leaving me in bed for quite a few days. I have literally been glued to my computer. I have online shopped, streamed shows from Netflix, and discovered new music. Today I am trying to conquer Google+. It seems a lot more sophisticated than Facebook meaning times might be changing. I come from a family that have an unordinary ability to understand technology and every aspect of it--unfortunately, I have received the recessive gene and I am not that way at all. This post is short because I do not feel so well.

So here is a song that reminds me of technology thanks to Ade from So You Think You Can Dance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwAYU4rlwmA

Great Gig in the Sky

Today was a completely unproductive day. I did a lot of activities but I don't feel like it counted towards anything. I used to pride myself on being a well oiled machine but the situation has changed and I guess I am just human. Humans have days that are stale. I did have the opportunity to watch a movie that I haven't seen in a very long time-- Almost Famous. I always forget that Kate Hudson had a life before chick flicks. I could probably spend my life watching rock and roll movies and be completely satisfied. I think it is a very familiar concept to me, my parents raised me on music. My Dad spoke about bands as if he was back in the '70s still. I mean I was trained to identify every Pink Floyd song. My friends thought I had a weird taste in music when I was in elementary school (most of them), but then suddenly it became really cool in junior high and high school. Some days I dream of working in the music industry--I just want to be involved with that type of creativity. Music has the ability to make a difference. Every time I feel alone, or sad, or mad, or confused, or anything I turn to music. It gives me that instant gratification that really proves to elevate my mood. I will probably end up doing something in the field of psychology, which is good, but a little part of me will always want to be working with rock and roll music.

Here is the song of the day. It is a classic!

Great Gig in the Sky by Pink Floyd

Fears about Going back to school

I am so excited to return to school, but unfortunately my parents freaked me out by talking about the negative things that might happen. It has been looming over me. I was so excited but now I am just afraid. Some fears are needed to be thought about but some are just irrational. Most importantly I am afraid of relapsing. I have been working really hard for the past 7 or 8 months and it could all disappear in one second. I am worried I am going to be so involved to school that I will cope with the stress by restricting. It already started when I was taking physics. I would delay eating and use the excuse of me needing to study more.

To combat my fears I am going to make a list of all the positives

1. I get to see my friends

2. I finally get to celebrate the fact that I am 21 in a college town

3. I will be allowed to go to concerts again

4. I will finally get an ego boost by doing well in an academic setting

5. Zen Zero

6. Burger Stand

7. Drinks will be affordable, unlike dallas

8. Basketball

9. I will finally get to cook for myself

10. I get to take road trips: Madison Wisconsin HALLOWEEN

I think everyone needs to make a solid effort of making this negative world into a positive one. It can start by simple everyday statements and spinning them. Last night I skipped my dinner and instead of being disappointed in myself today, I just worked on eating breakfast.

As a special musical gift to all of my followers, who may just be one person, here is a fabulous website to discover new music.

http://audiomap.tuneglue.net/

Just enter in a band or singer into the search tab then click on the bubble it creates. From the bubble it gives you option, just click on expand. It will then create a web of artists who are similar. From the new bubbles you can click on each one to expand in order to get more results.

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Devil Music

Today I don't really want to talk about what exactly is going on in my hectic life. I am eating and participating in social activities, so that is all that matters. This weekend I will actually be going out which is a huge deal because of late I have not been acting like a 21 year old. I mean I can't wait to be carded at the bars tonight. I mean it is a time to celebrate, I am done with physics and I am having daily successes. Today I was in the car and I was playing Jimi Hendrix-- by playing I mean blasting. This woman in the car next to me said I was going to Hell for listening to devil music. My response, obviously, was turning the music up louder. Music has been my recovery and if that means I am somehow connected to the devil, well then I thank him.

"You can dance to the rock & roll station, and it was alright" --The Velvet Underground

Physics

Today I am taking two physics tests that I am less than prepared for. I hate that I have to cram so much information in such a short amount of time, but that is life unfortunately. My usual coping skills for this amount of stress is reducing the amount of food that I eat. It would give me more time to study and less time to think about what is really going on in my life. Pretty much I am Captain Avoidance and I have made an art out of it. I know it sounds crazy that I am taking my stress out on food but it is not uncommon. Some people just view as me being so dedicated to my studies. Todays post is short but I have a long list of music---mostly classics. Its for all of those who cannot calm down.

The Wind by Cat Stevens

Crazy Love by Van Morrison

Oh Yoko by John Lennon

Frog and Toad by The Bad Plus

Assessment by The Beta Band

Jigsaw Falling into Place by Radiohead

Creature Fear by Bon Iver

Love on Haight Street by BT

Together by Skalpel

Ramblin' Man by Lemon Jelly

Heartbeats by Jose Gonzalez

The Only Living Boy in New York by Simon and Garfunkel

Everything's Not Lost by Coldplay---the live version is wonderful

Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk by Rufus Wainwright

New Life

Originally, maybe half a year ago, I created this blog to share music and talk about the business in general. I think I am going to change that. I am challenging myself to be more open and honest about the difficulties of my life and how I am getting through it. Hopefully I will be able to inspire others to be brave enough to face fears and maybe get some peace of my own.

So here is all the information a reader needs to know. I left the University of Kansas last semester in order to check myself into a treatment center. I am a strong person but unfortunately at that point my eating disorder started to consume my life. I have struggled with eating for about 8 years of my life. It was never about the food or my wanting to be thin--I just wanted to appear perfect even though I was struggling. Perfectionism can really kill a person because it is honestly unrealistic. I am now at a proper weight and eating. It is still an everyday struggle (every meal struggle) but I can now manage it.

My goal for this blog is to educate people on mental illness and correct its bad reputation. Just because I am mentally ill doesn't mean I am crazy. I am currently still in a treatment center because unfortunately I haven't slept in a few weeks. Over this time period I am going to document about what I have learned that day and about some interesting people I have met (in the most confidential names---excluding names).

Hopefully this blog will help me get over my fears in life. Currently I am afraid to go back to school because I left in a very unorganized manner and without a lot of explanation. I think a lot of my friends had an idea of what was going on but they only knew the tip of the iceberg. Quite honestly, I wasn't even sure of my root issues at that point.

For those who are passing judgement on me I don't care. 1 in 4 women will have struggle with some sort of eating disorder within a lifespan.

Here is some music to keep everyone interested! These songs are some of the ones that I just blast when I am freaking out and just dance away. They are random so hopefully I have something for everyone.

Ramble On by Led Zeppelin

Manic Depression by Jimi Hendrix

Bennie and The Jets by Elton John

Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots Pt 1 by The Flaming Lips

Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros by Flight of the Conchords

They're Everywhere by Izza Kizza

Hip Hop Saved My Life by Lupe Fiasco

Soul Flower (Remix) by The Pharcyde

Protect Ya Neck by Wu Tang Clan

Sound and Vision by The Sea and The Cake

For The Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti by Sufjan Stevens

Rebel Rebel by David Bowie

Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch

P.S. I am not the best at computers, despite my families natural abilities towards it. I have no idea why some of the songs are bolded, so I apologize for the awkwardness.